Nom nom: Which athletes do you think of while you eat food?

My wife came through the door today and handed me a hamburger from a fast food joint. My first thought was "Oh, I guess I'm eating this for lunch." Then my second thought, as I unwrapped it and took a bite, was of Ben Roethlisberger.

Believe me, it wasn't on purpose. The last thing I really want popping into my head before I take a bite of my lunch is Big Ben's mug. Maybe subconsciously I was aware of the fact that there is, indeed, a sandwich called The Roethlisburger at Peppi's in Pittsburgh. Or maybe my brain said "Hey, Sam, it's been awhile since you sat down and wrote anything strange for SB Nation. Why not write about food?"

And my brain is right. First, it has been a while since I last wrote and, frankly, I know all of you miss me. Second, I'm fat. I like food. I write and edit for a living. It all just seems to want to come together.

Food and sports icons have gone hand-in-hand for quite some time. Beyond the front of Wheaties boxes, athletes have had either their name or their image on things you gnaw on for awhile. Take the Baby Ruth candy bar. Sure, sure ... I know the company that first created the candy, the Curtiss Candy Company, claimed that it was named after the daughter of President Grover Cleveland. But, c'mon, who are they kidding? Ruth Cleveland died in 1904. The Baby Ruth came out in 1921 — the same year Babe Ruth hit 59 home runs and had 168 RBI. I can't NOT think of the Sultan of Swing when I bite into one.

There are a lot of candy bars actually named after athletes. The Chipper Bar was popular once upon a time when the Braves still played baseball, and Chipper Jones still was involved in the game. And, of course, the Moose Bar, named after Mike Mussina, formerly of the New York Yankees. Both bars were tasty. But, like in real life, neither really held a candle to Ruth.

Coco Crisp inexplicably doesn't have a candy bar named after him yet, but I can't even look at his name without thinking of Nestle Crunch and vice versa. It's no fault of his, but I'm pretty sure that's how my mind will work until my mind stops working.

I'd like to say I think of Marshawn Lynch when I eat Skittles, but that would be a lie. I do think of a former athlete, however. His name is Ben Kulik and he played football at Superior Central High School in Eben Junction, Mich. (where, it just so happens, I am head football coach). Ben was known to, on occasion, keep Skittles in his game socks so he could snack on them during games — as in, on the field, in the middle of games. It is a tradition I am glad his younger brother didn't continue.

Some candy is just gross, like Zero bars. They are apparently made of caramel, peanut and almond nougat covered with a layer of white fudge. To me, they taste like sadness and self-loathing. Wrapped in a silver and blue package makes me think of the Detroit Lions. And the Detroit Lions make me think of the 2008 season in which they won zero games. Like I said: sadness and self-loathing.

But it's not just candy that makes you think of professional athletes when you eat it, right? I mean, what about cereal! Again, forget Wheaties. Because Wheaties, and any other flake-based cereal like the frosted kind or the gross kind that isn't frosted, make me think of Doug Flutie. And if you're my age or older, you know why — FLUTIE FLAKES. These frosted little bits of goodness were created when Doug Flutie was playing for the Buffalo Bills. I got my mom to buy me a box because I told her the money went towards autism research, which it did. Ever since then, every flake I come across just wishes it was good enough to be a Flutie Flake.

And what about drinks? I immediately think of golf and the strange thing is I don't even follow golf very much. I mean, I know who the golf people are and that some are good and Tiger Woods isn't anymore, but I really don't get too involved and I don't have a favorite golfer. Well, besides Arnold Palmer. My all-time favorite drink combination — tea and lemonade — carries the name Arnold Palmer with it. You can pretty much just say that anywhere now and you'll get this delicious drink. Even when I drink regular tea, I think to myself that it would be better if it were an Arnold Palmer because, well, regular tea kinda sucks.

And how about Jack Nicklaus? He has a strawberry lemonade named after him. And since I have only consumed that all-too-sweet beverage once, I'll always think of him if I'm ever tricked into drinking it again. I also think of John Daly when I am drinking now and then, but it's usually when I'm at the point of maybe having one too many adult beverages and, well, I don't want to be John Daly (ahem ... the golfer formerly known as John Daly, as Daly reportedly no longer drinks).

Heck, I even think of athletes when I read a menu and come across the salad section. The Cobb Salad always makes me think of the one and only Ty Cobb. I know the salad wasn't named after him (it was named after Robert Cobb, who owned the Hollywood Brown Derby restaurant where the salad originated), but I can't help but think of him when I see the name. And then I think of how mean the man could be. I think of how horrible it would have been to play against him when he decided to spike you. And then I remember salads are horrible and avoid eating them.

And how about main courses? Sure, I mentioned Roethlisberger above, but what about Friday night fish fries? How about Catfish Hunter, the hall of fame pitcher? How do you not think of him when you are about to eat catfish? Or former Packers tight end Bubba Franks? Hot dogs, dammit! His name makes me think of hot dogs and when hot dogs plump up they make me think of Bubba Franks.

See? From candy to hamburgers to fish to drinks — you just can't escape from athletes when you're munching on lunch.

Does any particular athlete pop to mind when you're eating? If so, mention them in the comments below as I'd love to see what you could add to my already disturbing list.

Source: www.bing.com